Break Up With Him
by Jadiona
Summary: Set a little over nine years after the end of Breaking Dawn. It turns out Edward isn't Bella's true mate after all. Short story inspired by the song called Break Up With Him. OOC, mature themes, humor/parody fic.


Break Up With Him

 **Disclaimer:** I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own any of the rights to The Twilight Saga, nor do I own the rights to the song Break Up With Him by Old Dominion

 **AN:** About three years ago, I first heard the song Break Up With Him by Old Dominion. I'm not sure what about this song fascinated me, but I have always known, since the first time I heard it, that I wanted to write a one-shot inspired by it. This entire short story is the brain child of that desire. Understand, I could have chose any two characters, but for whatever reason... this pairing was the one that called to me.

* * *

I'd been married to Edward for over nine years now. The years, the kisses, the sensual touches, the zealous sex... all of it had been long and tedious for me. I did it all for her though, for Renesmee. She needed both a mother and a father in her life as she'd grown up.

She was an adult now though, married to Jacob, and pregnant with her own child. Still, I stayed. How could I possibly leave my family?

As I stood by myself in the meadow that had once been Edward's and mine – but now was mostly just used by me – my burner phone rang and I looked around to make sure none of my family were anywhere nearby. They couldn't be allowed to hear.

I clicked answer.

"Hey girl, what's up?I know it's late, but I knew you'd pick it up **."**

"Are you drunk, Alistair?" I smiled a genuine smile. It had been a couple weeks since his last call.

"Naw, I ain't drunk... Okay, maybe I do have a little buzz, but that's the problem with drinking your supper from the swill."

I giggled, a small noise that I'd never made before I'd met him.

In fact, I'd never known what true happiness was until I'd met Alistair. I'd assumed, through the eyes of a foolish human, that Edward was my mate. It hadn't been until Alistair had shown up with Carlisle and Esme and then later left in the night, taking half my heart with him as he did, that I'd realized how wrong I'd been.

Still, as we all survived the Volturi and the months had passed, I tried to put him behind me. I'd tried to be happy with Edward, and I'd almost fooled myself into believing it, when I'd run into Alistair again. I still remembered that first real conversation with him.

" _What harm could come from this one little visit?" Alistair murmured, staring at me._

" _I've moved on from you."_

" _You can't move on from your true mate."_

" _I have to. I was taken long before you came into my life."_

" _I know you say you're taken, but I say, girl, you're taking too long."_

" _I'm married to him."_

 _"I know you ain't in love with him. Break up with him."_

After that, I'd bought a burner phone, and we'd had stolen conversations via phone ever since, mixed with occasional stolen moments in person.

"Renesmee is all grown up now," he murmured into the phone.

"I know."

"You can't use her as an excuse anymore."

"I still have responsibilities."

"Like what?"

"I'm married to him."

"I know, you don't wanna break his heart. But that ain't no good reason to be keeping us apart. Look, just tell him, it's you, it ain't him. And maybe you can lie to him and say you'll still be friends. Whatever you got to say to get through to him that you ain't in love. C'mon you can't deny that you and I kinda fit like a glove"

More than just kinda fit actually. I still remembered our first kiss, about seven years ago.

" _This is wrong, Alistair." I looked up at him, his fingers woven into my hair, holding me close. I wasn't supposed to be here, but no one would miss me for a couple hours._

" _Why? The way you look at me, girl, you know you can't pretend."_

 _His lips met mine then, his lips the perfect shape on mine, formed to be an exact opposite of mine. Formed that way just for me, my mouth opened, allowing his tongue entrance. It swirled with mine in a dance far more perfect than Edward's had ever been. I reached my hands into his hair, not allowing him a chance to break away from this._

"It's time."

"I can't."

"You can."

"It's wrong."

"Stringing him along any longer, girl, is just wasting precious time."

"He's my husband."

"Rip it off just like a band-aid."

"I can't," I groaned.

"Girl, you know it can't wait," he cajoled.

I ran my free hand down my face. "It's wrong."

"Yeah, I know I said it before, but I'll say it again. I know you ain't in love with him, break up with him. You know you want to be with me again."

I did. It had been four years ago, when Edward had taken Renesmee on a trip to see the Amazons, it had been our only chance to ever be together physically.

" _I can't promise more than tonight," I murmured, looking at Alistair, my eyes glancing down too look at his very erect and naked body. He had a good two inches on the only other man that I'd ever been with. I had never realized before just how inadequate the man I was married to really was before then._

" _Then bring it on over." Alistair reached out pulling the straps down on the translucent white silk dress I was wearing. The dress fell around my feet a moment later, leaving me bare to the world and his eyes. I stepped out of it._

 _Suddenly my back hit the nearest tree as Alistair lifted me, moving us both to it, his lips on mine for a brief sweet-sensual half second. Then his lips found my neck and he nipped. The zing of pain caused me to gasp loudly, throwing my head back, wanting more._

 _I'd never before that moment known how pleasurable pain was._

 _I wrapped my legs around him and he entered me, his erection stretching me in an almost painful way. It made me scream in pleasure. If I'd known sex was supposed to feel like this. I'd never have laid with Edward._

"You would've hung up by now if you weren't thinking it too."

"I know."

"So tell him that it's over."

I closed my eyes _._ "I will."

"Good." Alistair's voice wasn't on the phone anymore. I opened my eyes. There he was, my mate, standing across the meadow from me.

* * *

 **AN:** So that's the end of this one-shot. I have no intention to ever continue it past this. This story, was made solely to be a semi-humorous, seriously ooc, short.


End file.
